My Faith Biography

Posted: December 6, 2012 in Uncategorized
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In 2007, I moved away from everything & everyone I knew. My life had to begin from scratch. I was happy for the new start because I had spent my entire life as a Christian without a single Christian friend.

Being a solo Christian is VERY hard, because no one truly understand the sacrifices that you make or the reasons why.

So as I embark on a new life & Church it all goes wrong. I attend a Church very similar to a Church in London that is very upbeat & from first impressions friendly & welcoming. So I attend a new to Church meeting a fill in my details explaining that I just moved to the town & explained a bit about the Church I attended in London.

A few days had past & I get a phone call from the Church, I am told I can not get placed in a fellowship group as I belong to another Church & they don’t think that I would financially give to their Church.

I was devastated.

This was the end of my loyal, blind faith in God & I realised that I had wasted years of my li searching for a life in Christ. I began to live… And I mean really live.

I made friends at work, they were very different to being friends with Christians. They went out drinking most free nights & they drank pints… I was still drinking mixers.
But for the first time I felt like I belonged.

A short history lesson

When I hit my pre-teens, everyone at my Church were over the age of 40 or under the age of 10. I felt so alone, trying to live a Christian life while going through puberty (that is very difficult, I must add). All the friends that I had at school didn’t believe in God & were much more focused on dating & drinking.

Throughout my teens years I went from Church to Church to find a p,ace to meet Christians my age, to have a circle of friends who could understand my life choice based on the Bible.
I never felt at home & never made any friends in the Church.

When I went to University I moved to London, being in a city I knew it would test my faith, but I held onto it. My faith felt stronger despite I was alone.
After university I went back home, but knew the city was we’re I should be, so I got a job & moved back, now in my early twenties I felt much stronger in my faith as I had gotten that far.

I moved into a flat with other Christian girls, one of which introduced me to a Church called Hillsong. I attended that church & made a few friends, but they didn’t last as they moved out of the country before we could really get to know one another.

But this brings me up to date.

I moved back to London after I met a guy & we decided to move there together. At this point in my life I am not attending Church & haven’t read my Bible in about 2 years. My boyfriend knew about my Christian faith & that I had lost all faith in God, but he knew I wanted to go back to Church.

After about 3 years living in London my boyfriend forces me to attend Church. Not because he wanted to go, but because he thought it would make me happy, but I think the damage had been done. I attended Hillsong like I had all those years ago with my housemate, but the love, friendly atmosphere & feeling of God was gone. All I saw now was a group of people asking for money to feed their lifestyle.

I tried to look past it all, but the more I was around them the more I posting my faith & God was getting further & further away from me.

I still consider myself a Christian, but I don’t think all Christians, especially those who are in a position to gain something.
I think the time when Christians were honest has gone & we are left with society influenced Christians, who read & memorise the Bible, but their morals are tarnished.

I have noticed that since I have become an adult, all Christians have begun getting married at such young ages to avoid the premarital sex issue, which I have noticed that so many have become divorced before they have even hit 30.

Even when I have socialised, the events are aimed at teenagers, despite they call themselves adults. Many have never even lived in the “real” world. They work for the Church or one of the Churches organisations & claim that they have a real story of hardship, which consists of having a year of travelling on the finances of their parents.

I have never asked God to reveal himself & never felt that maybe God is a creation by humans to explain why we exist, but I struggle to understand why living right by God makes you lonely & living by the world give life meaning & joy?

I try to read my Bible, but I feel no connection, it’s has become a story book one reads as a child, but as they age they get comfort from reading the words again.

We all face trials, but throughout the Bible Christians doubt God. Times are no longer as simple, there is so much that influence our minds.
Maybe I shouldn’t be referring to myself as a Christian anymore… Maybe that time for me is lost & I have sealed my fate as a non-believer.

There is one person, other than my mother who keeps me wanting to seek out God & that is a woman called Carrie. I don’t know her personally, but when I read her blog I feel my bond with God re-forming. She is chasing God the same as I am, but she is getting there sooner than I am. (I highly recommend you read her blog)

Those that suffer for God seem to really understand faith & the Words in the Bible, because they have had to live it.

This is about me, my faith in God & my hatred for how the Christian faith has changed for the worst. Being a Christian is no longer about love, but about money… How much can you give? How much do you have? You can never give enough?
If you have nothing, in the Church, you are nothing!


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