God the… father?

Posted: January 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

I was reading a blog post from a woman called Allison Vesterfelt & her post really inspired me with this post.

She speaks about a piano that her father had given her, but as the years moved on she contemplating selling it & felt a great loss at the prospect of seeling this piano. A comment she made in her post really struck a cord with me.

It’s a reminder of how much my dad cares for me, of how invested he is in the things that matter to me. It’s a reminder that he would stick his neck out on the line financially for me, not just when I need it, but when he knows it would make me happy. That thought reminds me of the verse that says something about how, if our earthly fathers love us enough to [buy a piano for us] how much more must our Heavenly Father love us?

If you compare God to your earthly father, do you expect disappointment from God if you are always disappointed by your earthly father?

My father doesn’t know me at all & never really tried. It’s not all his fault as I am quite a distant person & it can take me years to really open up to anyone, but with all the scripture that I have read over the years of trying to be a “good” Christian, have I associated God with my earthly father?

From most of my previous posts on the subject of Christianity & faith, I am not very Christian… I lost my faith in God & from these past few posts that I have written, especially those that I have opened up more, I think I have realised that I allowed myself to blame God for all my failings as a person.

My failings would be my introverted nature.

I don’t allow people to see the real me, they see this person who is stand-offish, in some cases I think people are afraid of me. Fearing my silence as aggression, when it is as simple as I have nothing of value to say.

When I was younger, throughout my teen & early twenties, I used to speak to God. I spoke to God about everything from how my day was to my aspirations for the future & asking for his blessings to achieve some of those aspirations.

But…

As I became more distant from the world, I think I blamed God because I neither fit into His Church.

A big secret that I never tell ANYONE!

My father was the disciplinarian when I was growing up & his methods would not have been consider orthodox today. I find that his choice of punishment has probably added to my introverted nature & my distrust of people, but I feel this also has been projected onto my relationship with God.

I think I have turned God into my disciplinarian, I don’t see him showering me with blessings, but only punishments for lessons I need to learn.

Despite the Bible being full of God’s blessings, it is so hard to retreat especially for me. I am a runner. I run away from my problems & rarely face them head on. Lately I have had to face everything that I would usually run from, but I think I am finding it particularly hard because I don’t have God.

For those who actually read my blog, this has not changed my viewpoint on the church! I still find the institution of church very corrupt, but I think I am starting to warm to God. My faith could be returning!

So among all my ramblings, my conclusion is can you detach from the negative connotations of God to find the love?

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