Back in London, not Back to Church

Posted: March 10, 2013 in Uncategorized

So I am home, it is a Sunday & I doubt I will be heading out for church. I think I need a well deserved break from Christians.

This has been an eye opener for me, I always thought that the leaders in a church were right with God (not perfect), but as I watched as a Pastor’s wife ostracised people & even reduced people to tears I am unsure about the power of God.

I grew so strong in my faith & as the church ostracised me for situations out of my control, I began to doubt God’s love & as I have tried to get my love for God back, I am now doubting his power.

If God is love, then shouldn’t he want those in the church to stay & be a voice of encouragement for those looking for God? I was going so suggest to a girl at work who is clearly looking for friendship & love to attend Hillsong Church London, because I knew it wasn’t right for me, but because they act very friendly to those who follow fashion she would be a perfect fit.

Since spending a week with those from the 25+ group (Velocity) I really don’t think I could allow her to be put through more rejection & heartache.
I don’t think this church is right with God & if anyone reads this & attends Hillsong will probably be very abusive to my opinions stated here.

Speaking to my non-Christian boyfriend about our week with the Velocity group from Hillsong London & it really opened my eyes when he said “They have made him certain he would NEVER become a Christian”.
They showed no tolerance to the lady on reception trying to check us in, stating that “you would think that she could speak English?” (Quote from the Pastor’s wife). We were in a foreign country English should not have been expected & someone should have been local, like the Pastor’s we were visiting, who could have been waiting at the hotel to help with the possible language barriers.
To be honest though, I thought everyone spoke better English than my Bulgarian, as I could not speak a word of Bulgarian.

The whole trip spoke volumes to the fact that there were no Christian leaders on this trip & the Christians I did meet who seemed to have it right, were just as frustrated as me to the last of Christian leadership. I saw more behaviour of those that we are told not to be like.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2 NIV)

As I was finding this scripture to quote I found a note I made on my Bible app about Hillsong London leadership & how they act in a way that they are clearly not aware of, but as Christians at any stage or any position in the church, we must check our behaviour & attitude.

Some of you have become arrogant, as if I were not coming to you. But I will come to you very soon, if the Lord is willing, and then I will find out not only how these arrogant people are talking, but what power they have. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod of discipline, or shall I come in love and with a gentle spirit? (1 Corinthians 4:18-21 NIV)

I am not writing this post as I think I’m a perfect person (or Christian), but because I am not! We must as people (definitely as Christians) check our attitude & behaviour towards others. I am always rehashing conversations I have had where I thought I may have offended, but most people don’t care. I care how I make people feel & I would love for the Church to be a place of love not abandonment!

I am now, with encouragement from my boyfriend, going to visit some churches around London to find a home. A church that feels how I would like to think Heaven would feel like, because at the moment Hell is seeming much more enticing based on the fact that I would rather face fire & brimstone, than spend eternity with the Christians I spent a week with!



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