Looking for Life during Lent

Posted: February 11, 2016 in Uncategorized
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As a believer in God, I find myself in a very reflective state. As it is Lent and I have never really followed Lent before; the idea of giving something up was so difficult because I never really made New Years resolutions so Lent felt pointless.

This year I have decided to start a Lent Bible reading, I have not returned to church because I find it the loneliest place ever. Spending my free time with hypocritical leaders who are extremely corrupt…. I might as well be at work to be around those types of people. I understand that we are all human, but if you are going to put yourself in a position of righteousness, then you are telling people that you are going to be a symbol of Christ-like imagery.

I am not perfect, but I have never claimed to be. I don’t exploit those that have less or even more than me, but I do hope that one day I can be used by God to make the world a better place.

I started my Lent Bible reading on Ash Wednesday, but this with other readings I have given me a heavy heart. I feel in my heart that I need to change my job to do something more fulfilling, but I have searched my heart and still find nothing. Part of me believes that maybe this is God telling me, I should stay in my current job, but it all feels so wrong.

My heart is still searching for the simpler more nomadic life, but I am extremely torn.

The Bible says what is in your heart is what you really are: “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart” (Proverbs 27:19 NIV). You are not what others think you are or what circumstances force you to be. Your heart is the real you. It determines why you say the things you do, why you feel the way you do, and why you act the way you do.

This quote from a Reading Plan I’m doing by Pastor Rick Warren, has reignited my desire to find my purpose, but all the years growing up praying for God to guide me to my life’s purpose has led me nowhere but away from God.

I went from church to church and group to group, looking for Christians that may help me find my Christ Calling, but they just showed me that Christians are less caring than non-Christians. I have seen more compassion from non-Christians than I ever did in the Church.

I have been to rock festivals and vegan food festivals, which had the most wonderful people I could have ever met. This to me makes my mind so conflicted because I have attended charity events at a Church and met the most corrupted and heartless people, even to some extent racist. I witnessed a Christian disrespect a non-English speaker in a non-English speaking country, to me that attitude is unacceptable for anyone. Those who are in a specific country to help, can’t then be disrespectful or racist, because how then can you help those in need whose English would be non-existent.

I think maybe my heart is calling me to help those less fortunate, such as refugees, trafficking victims and people whose human rights may be violated. The only problem I have with that is I and useless, I don’t even stand up for myself so how can I stand up for others?

I have a lot of heart searching to do during this Lent period, but I am hoping God will give me clarity at the end of all this. While I celebrate the Risen Lord, may my purpose become clear.

All who are making the most out of this Lent period, I hope that God gives you any blessings that you are searching for.

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