Archive for May, 2016

I Am A Human!!!

Posted: May 27, 2016 in Uncategorized
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I want to stand for something, but I am so easily intimidated and I do not know why. I have spent my youth running away from my intelligence and beauty. I am now pregnant and fear the world this child will be growing up in, especially if it is a girl.

I am a black female who runs as far away from the stereotype as possible, but why am I a stereotype anyway? Why does being black put me in a box? Why do I have to run from my skin colour? My skin does not define me… I is not who I am!

My child will be a mixed race and I fear that they will be forced to choose a side, but why?

I fear having a daughter more than a son because they not only will be defined by the colour of their skin but their gender. Women are still fighting to be equal and to be taken seriously, but we delude ourselves into thinking that women are treated fairly. I say this because we think that because women can go out and work, make money but we are still forced to be objects. Equality for women is still ignored.

In my department at work when I first started and for about 3/4 years I didn’t not feel different. I was not a black woman, but a worker, employee and member of the team. Now I am a black woman and should work harder to achieve what the white men get for nothing. The changes that have been made to my department was to demoted or push out all ethnic managers and employ all white men into those managerial positions.

I was told by my newer manager that I did not deserve the high standard of praise for my hard work on my perforce evaluation and spent the majority of my one-to-one meetings telling me how he can relate or see himself in the other white men in the team… how can a black woman fit into a team where I need to be relatable for a white man?

I hate that colour and relateability is still so important instead of how smart, intelligent or even good you are. While I type this I am watching a documentary (Miss Representation) about women and understand that getting pregnant has increased my fear that I do not have a career to chase anymore. I will not want to work full-time, but then that limits what I’ll be allowed to achieve. All the part-time women I work with feel penalised for not working full-time and what really frustrates me is that all the men I management have children. Now how would they feel if their wives were treated they way they treat the women they work with???

This post has become much more focused on race and gender, but since becoming pregnant these have become clear fears that will change the way I am perceived in the future of my current career.

I spent my youth competing with men and as an adult I realise that as a woman I am no competition to a man. I am especially no competition to a white man and I think it has taken me getting pregnant to realise this, but I do not ever want to have to explain to my daughter or son that they are never going to be held in higher regard than a white man… They will be equals to other humans regardless of what colour or gender they are!!!