Posts Tagged ‘Happiness’

I realized that I’m a daydreamer and play out my life in my head. I find the real world hard to tolerate.

I have a whole existence in my head that is far better than the reality of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my hubby and I definitely love my child. I’m just lost in a nowhere place in my head.

This all sounds so crazy but I’ve spent so many years there, that I’m still trying to find my way out and the more of reality I see the more I retreat back into my safe place.

When I was younger the internet became Do you remember MySpace (lol, that makes me feel old)? That began my journey outside of myself, but with every blog post inbuilt up anxiety. I was not afraid of people reading my thoughts, but maybe the idea of people getting to know how messed up I actually am.

When I started chasing my real world career dreams I thought that I had combated my fantasy world because I was living my dreams. When that dream started to fade I found myself back inside my head… then I got pregnant.

Again I thought I was going to be able to live in the real world again; but alas I’m back in my head.

I’m writing this post not because I want attention or sympathy. I just miss blogging but it was such an outlet for the young me and her fantasies that I’m afraid I’d get lost in her world again.

I’m not saying I’ve got a mental illness but fantasies can take over and perfection starts to feel like a real possibility. I’m not saying I’m perfect, far from it. I think my head makes me more aware of how flawed I am.

I’m trying to look to God, like I did in my youth. The problem is I’m struggling to believe there is a God. I think I’m searching for a belief that feels real.

Since my fathers death I’m more aware of my mortality and having a child makes it worse and I think that is why all these questions and thoughts are coming full force.

I may at some point add another post updating on my crappy brain function but right now I’ll end this post and crawl back into my head.

Until next time…


A few habits to avoid to keep your relationship healthy

By Ruthie Dean
April 15, 2014
Ruthie Dean is the Director of Communications at Bernard Health and a passionate writer and speaker about relationships. She and her husband, Michael, chronicle their dating mistakes and offer a fresh approach to love, sex & relationships in the age of texting and Twitter in their new book, Real Men Don’t Text. She’s @Ruthie_Dean on Twitter.

Last week, I saw a woman slam the car door in her husband’s face and storm off inside the grocery store. Then there was the couple sitting next to me, the man staring at his phone the entire time his wife shared with him her concerns about one of their children. I saw someone post a rant on Facebook about their spouse that ended with, “MEN!”

Relationships are hard, and we’ve probably all done something similar to the examples above. But that doesn’t excuse the cavalier mistakes we sometimes allow for in our romantic relationships. Dating and especially marriage relationships can be tools for showing Christ’s love—to the other person and to those around you. Too often, we take our spouses for granted and forget that good relationships don’t just happen. They take work.

It’s often harder to see the good relationships, because they aren’t out slamming doors and stomping around and airing grievances on social media.

Here are eight things healthy couples don’t do:

1. Post Negatively About Each Other on Social Media

12-year-olds post negatively about their boyfriends or girlfriends on social media. It’s a catty way to get attention and vent, when the emotionally healthy response is to talk your grievances over with your spouse when the time is right. Don’t fall into the trap of getting others on your side, on social media or otherwise, because healthy marriages only have one side.

2. Make Their Career a Priority Rather Than Their Relationship

Yes, career is important. But as you are being pulled in every direction imaginable, something will get less attention, less time. Something in your life will have to be sacrificed. Your goal is to make sure that “something” isn’t your relationship. You can always find another job, but you only have one chance to make it work with the love of your life.

3. Have All Their ‘Together-Time’ With Technology

Of course there will be plenty of times that you’re together and using technology, but healthy couples know how to put down their phones and computers and turn off the TV to spend quality time together. Healthy couples don’t check Twitter on dinner dates. My husband and I have a rule that we put our phones upstairs each night after work so our dinner or together-time is not interrupted.

4. Avoid Hard Subjects

Relationships are about intimacy. If you can’t talk about the hard subjects, then your intimacy factor is off. There are seasons of marriage that are easy, and other seasons where you must make difficult decisions together. Nothing should be off-limits between the two of you, and conversations should always be approached with an abundance of grace and kindness.

5. Punish One Another

Punishing one another often comes out in the silent treatment or withholding sex or affection. Healthy couples know when it’s good to take a break from a disagreement, but also know how to come back together and find a resolution.

6. Withhold Forgiveness

Relationships run on forgiveness. You can’t have a healthy relationship without abundant forgiveness. The best relationships forgive quickly and frequently. Living with another person will always bring conflict and hurt feelings; the trick is knowing how to handle it. Forgive, and ask for forgiveness.

7. Say ‘Yes’ to Everything

Healthy couples have good boundaries—with family, with friends and with each other. If I’ve had a long week at work and my husband asks me to rally and go out with friends on Friday, whose fault is it if I get mad at him on the way home because I didn’t want to go in the first place? Mine. Healthy couples know their limits, know how to ask for help, and understand that “no” is a complete sentence.

8. Throw In the Towel

Healthy couples don’t give up when things are hard, even when things are really hard. If your spouse is important to you, you can get through this. Quitting is never an option for healthy couples.